if you like me you must not know who I am
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
