I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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