There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
