i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
