1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
