I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
