Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
