that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
