What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
