would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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