Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
