She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
