She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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