One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
