Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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