Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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