Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
