just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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