I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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