I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
