Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
