R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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