How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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