Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
