He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
