So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
