YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
