Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
