Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
