Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
