a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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