Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
