K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
