you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
