Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk is not a location!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
