Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
