apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
