Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
