I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
