this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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