I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
