Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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