$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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