If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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