I didn't shave. On purpose
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
