I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
