If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
