I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
