There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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