Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
