I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
