i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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